


The Five Stages of Grief

by ricemilk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Chapter 84, Character study???, Five Stages of Grief, Friendship, Hopefully not OOC, Other, Pretty sad, angsty i think, mikasa loves armin okay, that time mikasa thought armin was going to die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-08-20 02:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16547024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricemilk/pseuds/ricemilk
Summary: It was up to Levi then, and he was going to let Armin die. Mikasa had to understand that.





	The Five Stages of Grief

**« denial »**

Mikasa was frozen in place as she stared down at Armin’s body, tears streaming down her face. He looked _unrecognizable_. He looked dead, but he wasn’t. But he’ll be fine. It’ll be okay. It’s Armin.

She wasn’t listening to what Eren and Levi were saying, although she probably should have. It sounded important. But it shouldn’t even be an argument. Armin was special and able-bodied and smart and _dammit he deserved to live_. Levi wouldn’t choose Erwin over Armin. He wouldn’t. It’s Armin. _Levi already said-_

Mikasa snapped out it when she saw Levi’s fist connect with Eren’s jaw.

 

**« anger »**

That was it. It was like she finally woke up and realized what was happening. Levi planned on letting her best friend die, and he had the _audacity_ to punch Eren. She wasn’t going to let him do that, so she _attacked_.

Mikasa was probably gonna have to kill him. There was pure hatred in her eyes as she held her blade against his neck, trying to reach for the serum. She had no choice. If anything, it showed how much she _cared_ for Armin. At the time, Mikasa didn’t care that Levi was barely fighting back.

It was so close. The blade or the serum? She didn’t know, because she was getting it either way. All of a sudden, she was roughly pulled off Levi. Someone was telling her to stop, and she didn’t bother thinking of _who_ it was when she recognized the voice.

They held her tight—so tight it hurt—and Mikasa couldn’t fight even if she wanted to. Despite the pain, the touch felt empathetic. Could a touch even feel like that?

They lost people. A lot of them, apparently. God, Mikasa knew what she was getting into the second she graduated, but she didn’t understand how anyone could deal with that. Their voice was far soothing, but it was…empathetic. They understood. And they said they would do anything to bring those people back.

 _But none of them were Armin_.

 

**« bargaining »**

Armin.

Sometimes Mikasa forgot about him, as bad as it sounded. He was and always _has_ been her best friend, but he didn’t need constant protection like Eren did. Armin was smart and agile. Hell, that’s why they’re in this situation in the first place.

But she should’ve. It’s her fault. Oh god, it’s all her fault. Armin was smart, but he was small, weak, and unsure of himself. He needed people. That’s why Mikasa became friends with him—he needed protection so he could continue being his smart self in peace. And she watched his brain grow. Armin’s so smart.

He _was so smart_ , and that’s another reason why Mikasa became friends with him.

_But Armin was so much more than that, remember?_

Looking back, one thing that never changed about Armin were his eyes. They were always blue, big, and oh-so full of life. Curious and careful; Fierce and kind. They were beautiful, and Mikasa wished she looked into them more. They described him perfectly.

And she didn’t have the chance to be around Armin 24/7 like Eren did. Shit, they probably talked about the ocean or something. Mikasa still didn’t get it, but she wished she did. Eren could explain it to her one day, she supposed. But the way Armin smiled and lit up…it just wouldn’t be the same. Eren was a lot closer to him, and Mikasa suddenly found herself being jealous.

She’s known Armin for over six years, but she should’ve spent more time with him. Fuck, she should’ve. She should’ve learned more about him to understand him like Eren did. She should’ve...

 

**« depression »**

Mikasa felt herself giving up, and scolded herself. She wasn’t ready to let Armin go.

But Levi was determined and Eren was breaking down and Hange...right, it was Hange...they were holding on even tighter. It was as if letting go would trigger some sort of disaster, or something. _We must move forward_ , they said. Mikasa hadn’t noticed that the hold loosened and became a _hug_.

Mikasa felt pain everywhere, especially in her throat. She started choking and sobbing and praying--even though she thought she didn’t believe in God--to let Armin _live_. He deserved it. Please. How was she supposed to live on? How was _anyone_ supposed to live on after this?

She sighed and tried to hug Hange back.

 

**« acceptance »**

It was really over. Armin was going to die.

She desperately tried to remember what he had looked like before this, and saw a happy blonde boy with blue eyes. She was going to miss seeing that.

Mikasa closed her eyes as she wished she felt something. She was just empty.

_Goodbye._

**Author's Note:**

> first time doing something like this, so hopefully it wasn't too bad :)


End file.
